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Fri, Feb. 6th, 2004, 08:51 am

I know last night's entry probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense to people. I know that conversation with my mom doesn't look so upsetting...but it was. One minute my parents will tell me that I am doing just fine and that they don't want me to worry about getting a job right now. The next minute they're yelling at me for being so irresponsible because I don't have a job and am not conforming to society. I'm just sick and tired of playing there games. They've made it quite clear these past few weeks that I'm not all that wanted back home. They'd rather I just stay here.

Keith got an incredible e-mail from his dad today. The e-mail was basically his dad telling him what a wonderful person he is and how much he admires him. I read it and couldn't help but cry. That's all I've ever wanted from my parents... Whatever...maybe I should just go against everything I feel and conform to whatever it is my parents want me to be. They tell me to just be myself, but when I am myself they tell me to conform. I'll never know what they want from me. They've worn me down. I'm just too tired to fight anymore

Thu, Mar. 4th, 2004 02:50 pm (UTC)

Is it your desire to remain a child forever? Do you want bi-polar to control your life? I'm bi-polar and it affects me in many ways, but I am still able to function. I am sorry you weren't blessed with perfect parents, but we weren't blessed with perfect children either. I'm sorry, but I feel I have some venting coming. Do you not understand how much I love you? I tell you I love you. I try to do everything I can to please you. I try to let you run your own life. The trouble is you can't run your own life without accepting responsibility. Keith has accepted responsibility. Why are your parents assholes for wanting you to do the same thing. You ARE fine. But you need to start preparing for the rest of your life. A mother bird pushes the baby bird out because she loves it. The real world requires maturity and responsibility. WHAT NASTY WORDS! But the truth is the truth. You have to conform to society in your own way. Unless you want to be a bum on the street. That's refusing to conform to society. ---Your Mom